Overwhelmig Intensity
by WB Crazy
Summary: I was lost to it, to him from the very beginning. I ran from it, that overwhelming intensifying love that most spend their lives seeking. I ran from him
1. Chapter 1

I received the phone call last week that totally devastated me. I can't deny that it's been years without contact. Nor can I deny that that a day doesn't go by where I don't think of him. I use to drive myself crazy wondering if he was missing me half as much as I missed him. Did he ever try to find me and reconnect? I pondered many questions regarding this but in the end it really was of no consequence. I had made my decision and I would live with that.

Problem being I beat myself up every day about the choices I made. I know that I was young and I had to live and learn but that doesn't lessen the hurt those choices caused. Would I choose differently now? I can't say for sure but knowing now what I didn't then, maybe. One thing is for sure, there has never been another love as strong as ours for me. I truly don't believe there ever will be. I know it's not healthy to live in the past but after what I've been told who could blame me.

From the outside looking in or should I say an adults point of view our love would seem to be one of fiction. Some adults need to wake up. They watch their little Life Time movies and get so caught up in them yet they never stop to think that this is someone's life. Someone's heartbreak, pain and suffering. They don't stop to think that their entertainment might be someone else's nightmare. No, not all movies on this network are sad and gut wrenching mysteries and thrillers. I think it takes stations like LMN for example to bring awareness to those of us who live in a bubble. To those of us who seem to think that love and drama only happens when you reach a certain age.

If a lot of parents, well no lets restate that. If a lot of adults opened their eyes and acknowledged the age group of the characters in that all important movie or television series they just can't miss a moment of. The die-hard book they just can't seem to put down, a lot of kids may not be so lost today. They might not find themselves in a situation where years later they are still beating themselves up about a difficult decision. Better yet maybe they'd be more prepared to handle tough choices if they knew that it might not all work out in the end but they won't be alone.

That they aren't alone weather they realize it or not, that some of the same situations they are dealing with others their age are out there dealing with the same problems as well. Hell that you as their parent or role model might have made the very same choice or mistake in your day. Most importantly that rain, hail, or shine, stand or fall, sink or swim you'll think no less of them.

That they could never be less in your eyes because you love them and it's that unconditional love that will guide and comfort them through the storm. I come across so many kids that are petrified that their parents or the adult in their life won't love them anymore if they make a major mistake. How do kids solve this problem? They hide, they hide who they are. They hide what's going on with them, in their everyday lives. They hide what's going on in their relationship. Hell, they hide that there is a relationship.

With all the hiding and all the covering up, in the end you don't even know the real them. You know, see, and hear what they want you too and most times nothing more. Don't be the statistic, realize that these people are no longer children or kids but (Young Adults) and they make adult decisions. They have very adult relationships most times before they even reach high school age.

We see on the news all the time that a thirteen year old threw her baby in the trash or tried some form of self-abortion with a household tool. If it can happen to them it can happen to any of us. One day society will open their eyes and realize that at sixth, seventh and eighth grade young adults are out there involved in serious relationships. Perhaps more serious than the adults themselves.

Going into my room still trying to wrap my head around what I've been informed I start to look in my closet on the shelves that I keep my journals. Since I was in first grade I have always written my feelings down in a journal. For me they helped put things in prospective bringing clarity. Sometimes writing it all down can give you a sense or release, from frustration, love to hate. Pretty much any emotion your feeling at that time. Not to mention it's nice to look back on things that have occurred in your life, good or bad. Besides I like to see how I've grown as a person and all the stupid shit my friends and I got into.

Finally locating the set of journals I was searching for I settled myself on my bed preparing to revisit a time in my life that I hadn't wanted to fully acknowledge since the day I left. Maybe I've been afraid to face my decisions, scared I will discover that what I held him responsible for was really all on me. That all those wrongs I may never be able to make right. That my "Perfection Personified" may be lost to me forever.


	2. Chapter 2

It's the first day of ninth grade and of course I never picked up my schedule. Standing in line with my friends who've done the same thing, we're talking about summer and catching up on all the latest gossip when a group a yelling guys come running down the hallway. The one in the front kind of grabs me and pushes me out of the way (I'm Bella by the way) I end up hitting the wall behind me and needless to say I'm not a happy camper. Turning around giving the best bitch face I can manage I yell "excuse you, watch where the hell you're going stupid ass." Yeah like I said I was a little upset. Hell, I didn't even think about all the trouble I could get into for language. Either the teachers were too busy to care or they just really didn't give a damn, my vote is one the later of the two.

The leader of the running idiots turns around and comes back in my direction all the while pointing his finger at me. Right about this time I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't have opened my big mouth but with my friends standing around watching me I'm not about to punk out. I keep my stance and continue to glare at him like this is some Fire Starter movie and his ass is about to be in flames.

"I know you" is all he says when he's close enough to me so that he doesn't have to yell. Oh he's a smart one, so he knows me. And…. Your point would be is all I'm thinking.

"And" is my cleaver response.

"And nothing. Do you remember me? I'm Jasper but I go by J?"

Rolling my eyes to get my point across that I really don't want to be socializing with him, like at all. I simply reply "no but whatever."

Do you know he has the nerve to smirk at me, like I was playing with him? Oh hell no, he's about to go down.

"Yeah right whatever, I'll see you around." Then he just runs off again like he's on some kind of mission. God I swear boys are so fucking stupid sometimes.

I mean why make a point of saying that you know without shit else to say? Not to mention that he didn't even apologize for running into and pushing me against the damn wall. Like I give a flying shit what his name is and what he goes by. I know what though if he goes by me again in the manner in which he did this morning, I won't be the only one hitting a wall. No I'm not violent I promise but that push did hurt. I played it off well but still I'll have a bruise by tonight. Great, what a way to start the day.

Now that I'm done venting I'll just be honest and tell you that I do remember Mr. J. My friend Lauren had a huge crush on him last year but for whatever reason he wasn't feeling her at all. I thought he was so not cute and couldn't figure out what the appeal was. Now, on the other hand is a different story. Although he did piss me off I have to say, summer has certainly been good to him.

Jasper was the embodiment of perfection. Blond hair, blue eyed, standing tall, pretty teeth, smelling good greatness. The rest of that day I couldn't stop myself from thinking of him. Nothing major just the basics, like the fact that I left a lasting impression on him the few times we were in the same vicinity last year.

Tuesday morning I stepped off the bus and enter the halls of school and guess who's running my way? That's right Mr. Idiot himself. Yes he did it again, only this time he knocked me on my ass. Do you know how embarrassing that is? In my school that's social suicide, I mean there's not much you can do to try and play off the shocked face. Shocked my face certainly was because he never even slowed down. He just yelled "I'm sorry, it's my birthday so umm I gotta go."

All this being said on the run in a very fast manner because like I said he didn't even slow down. Have I mentioned that I really hate his ass? If not then I'm saying it now. I would love to break his shit right off, let's see him run then. Ugh, meanwhile I'm still on the damn floor and as you can probably imagine people are laughing and this shit will be talked about all week.

Also his stupid ass clan decided it would be a good idea to just step right over me like I wasn't even there. I mean where are these people's home training? Did their parents teach them nothing? I'm making it my mission as of right now to knock Jasper Whitlock on his ass a few times before the end of this year. Cute or not, he's on my shit list.

My girls help me pick my stuff off the floor all while chuckling like this is comedy hour. Okay I can't be mad at them because truth be told I would have laughed at them too but right now I'm mad so that's beside the point. Toward the middle of the day I have gathered some information on the enemy, let's just say this year doesn't look good for me.

All I heard was how great a guy he was or how helpful he has been to someone. Oh and lets not mention he always seems to be the life of the party and seems to have no secrets and no enemies. That sucks so much, now I'm sure I have no recruits' for plan demolish Jasper Whitlock. To add insult to injury my girl Alice had the nerve to ask me if I thought Mr. Drive By was cute. My answer to the so eloquently asked question?

"Gee I don't know, he keeps knocking me on my ass so I haven't had the chance to really look at him." I know I said he was perfection but I can't let them know this. I would never live it down. I mean really I'm in high school now so that whole like the boy who pulls your ponytail crap doesn't fly anymore. Besides it really wasn't a lie per-se, I just withheld the truth. Yeah, Yeah I'm grasping at straws but can you blame me? At this point I'm inclined to think this kid has it out for me or something. Really he must not like me because in a nutshell he keeps beating me up.


	3. Chapter 3

No copyright Infringement Intended. All characters belong to Stephanie Myers

As weeks turned into months Jasper and I would hang out with the same circle of friends yet we never acknowledged one another. It as if he wasn't even standing there contributing to our conversations. I just blocked him out and he seemed to have no problem returning the favor. It did make our friends a bit uncomfortable at first but after a while I guess they just adjusted and went with the flow.

On the inside I was truly dying. It bothered me to no end that he hated me being as there was no just cause. Yes I acted as if I hated him too but at least I had a reason for my actions. Jasper just didn't give a damn how he treated me. I was still on the lookout for the guy my friends kept telling me about. The one that was supposed to be this caring and compassionate person. I've yet to see him drop in for a visit, well I take that back I've seen him many times. Pretty much every day actually just not toward my direction. I mean geese he still hasn't apologized for accosting me in the hall a few months ago.

I know he's been informed of my reasons for him being on my death by spooning list because people talk but still he could have cared less. Problem is I wanted to know him personally and not through mirrors or post carbon copies of my friends. I was deeply attracted to him, shit who wasn't at this school? Yet I couldn't express it and make myself feel and look even more stupid. This boy got under my skin like no other. He was like my very own flesh eating bacterial disease, you know if people actually found that pleasing. See, he's making me stupid in the head I don't even know what the heck I'm saying. How to put this, hmmm… He's like something that's really irritating but addicting at the same time.

Ugh, I genuinely don't like when someone doesn't like me. It could be anybody, I really don't care it just bothers me. Okay so I'm not a conceded person or anything but I happen to know that I have a kick ass personality and I'm just a people person. Very few people that have met me have said that they didn't like me. Maybe this is why he's getting to me so much? Needless to say I was climbing up walls trying to keep myself from approaching him and shaking the shit out of him. I mean seriously who doesn't like Bella Swan? I'm like a god damn walking poster child for Care-A-Lot or Barney or some shit.

On the upside Jasper wasn't interested in anybody that I knew of. The boy is one of the most popular guys at our school and majorly sought after yet he remains uninterested in dating anyone. The one time I saw him in quad hugging up on this hoe named Jessica, I found myself insanely jealous. Rational? No definitely not but at the time the only thing I could think about was to yank a bitch up. I realize I had no grounds for the verbal mind attack I had just telepathically sent her which is why I was feeling somewhat bad about it. Not enough to retract my statements though.

Again, were my actions due to the fact that I didn't like Jessica and she really was a loose ass garden tool? Or was I simply envious of the position she was in? Yeah I'm gonna go with the first of the two just because from my standpoint it sounds better and I really didn't enjoy feeling all (Thin Line Between Love & Hate) now that bitch was crazy. Besides I didn't want to commit one of the Ten Commandments, that's a sin you know. Hey no laughing journals aren't allowed the option of backtalk, I run this so let's just keep things my way. It's safer like this anyway trust me. Yep I should sign up for shock therapy. I'm really losing my shit and it's all due to one Jasper Whitlock.

And while we're blaming him for shit my explosive potty mouth is all on him too. In fairness it wasn't perfect before but at least after writing in my trusty journal I didn't feel like I needed to repent. I'm happy the only person who has access to this mind fuckery is me. See like that, forget what I said earlier about me being the poster child for happy cartoons and shit because right about now I feel like a dang Tarantino movie. You know it's good but you have to watch it a few times to even get the concept. Uh-huh I think this description of my state of mind is right on point, I should ask my mom if insanity runs in our family because I have officially reached the level of bat-shit-crazy


	4. Chapter 4

**Concept is mine but the character's belong to SM **

Another two weeks have passed and although my sanity is back in tacked I'm still miserable. Now I can't seem to figure out why the nastier Jasper seems to act around me the more I can't help but want him. I have to give props where they are due because he has mastered ignoring me, it's just so effortless for him where as I have to really work to keep up the façade.

Our school is putting on a fun night at the arcade and I guess using some of the proceeds toward our yearbooks. Our crew as I like to call us were all sitting around chatting about who was and wasn't going. I decided that I would take the initiative and speak to him. Worst case scenario he continues to keep my ass on ignore and we keep up with this same song and dance we'd been doing.

I leaned over the table angling my body toward him while asking "hey Jasper are you going to be there tomorrow night?" Ha it was like there were crickets in the room and they were the only ones that could be heard. Everyone was looking at me like I had three heads or something and even Jasper looked taken back by my question. After the initial shock wore off he finally answered me. "No I have a baseball game tomorrow night." Damn bummer, I just give a short nod letting him know that I'd heard him. "What about you Ms. Swan, are you going to be there?" Oh hello not only does he speak to me but he's flirtatious as well. "Yeah, I'll be there." I replied with a shy smile because I was so nauseous and I didn't want to jinx this new path we were on.

Taking me completely by surprise again he asked for my number and said that he wanted to call me later to discuss a few things. Not hesitating for a moment I spout off my number to him while rising from my sitting place. I gathered my things and told the gang I'd see them later, I didn't want to stay by him any longer considering that things had went so well. All it would take was for someone to say the wrong thing and we would be back at one. No thank you, I'll leave that for Brian McKnight.

That night as stated Jasper called me and no I was not waiting by the phone. His voice sounds so different on the phone I almost didn't believe it was him on the line. After a very awkward greeting he got right to the point, there was no beating around the bush. "So listen I just want to let you know that I don't hate you, far from it actually. I know that I've made some mistakes where you are concerned and I should have corrected my actions immediately. I'm sorry for how I've been acting around you and I would very much like for you and I to be friends." Well shit now I'm screwed because I like him even more now. Did he have to be so dang on perfect? Gathering my thoughts and alleviating the silence on the line I let him know that I am sorry as well and I would like very much for us to be friends.

After that it was smooth sailing, we talked about everything and anything. The subjects were limitless and comfortable for both of us. He was so nice I knew that from that point on all I was going to want to do was just be around him. The next day at school J (as I've come to call him) came right up to me and it was like the night before on the phone, comfortable and warming. I was a goner, I couldn't think about anything else but him during my classes. This was crazy, he was the sun and the moon to me now and no one would be able to convince me otherwise.

That night while getting ready in my room to go to the arcade all I could do was sit and analyze everything we had said to each other. After being such a dork I was still no further to the one thing I wanted to know. Did Jasper share the same feelings for me that I had for him? I would like to think so because he's so sweet and nice to me but there's no telling. He's nice to everyone and I could be reading too much into things, it has been know to happen.

"Yes" I yelled jumping up and down getting over excited about gaining a level. "Pac-man you be my bitch" I sang as my friends looked at me like I'd lost my mind again. They do that often but I don't care because I'm in a great mood and I kicked his little yellow ass. "Girl maybe you should lay off the coke and calm down." I heard Jessica comment trying to call me out to gain some loser's attention across the way.

She's always trying to be seen and heard. Well if that's what she wants, I'm cool with that. To each his own as they say but it won't be at my expense. "And maybe you should just get laid. Oh wait that right everyone's already been there and done that twice in fact." People who heard our exchange started chuckling at her including the lame ass guys she was trying to pull, serves her right. Turning around and glaring at me like she was about to get froggy and taking a step toward me staring me down, she starts in with her quick comeback but I cut her ass off with the quickness.

"Jessica, any time you want to jump please do because you and I both know that I'll toss your ass back in the pond." Yeah that shut her up fast and she was smart enough to walk away keeping all her teeth. I'm not a fighter and I'm not that big standing at only about four feet eleven inches but I don't take crap from nobody and she knows this. I may be little but I can handle mine if need be. Lesson learned? Just be you, don't be trying to fake the funk to get some guy because fake bitches always finish last. Write that down those are words to live by.

Not dwelling on that little incident I continued to play video games. I also road bumper cars and boats. I was having a blast with my friends, it was so much fun. Of course with Jasper not being there I was a little disappointed, truth be told I really missed him and hoped he was feeling the same for me at that moment. Right in the middle of another war with the Pac-Man my friend James wonders over to inform me that J's there and is down by the bumper cars looking for me.

I pulled back to look him in the eye making sure he wasn't kidding around and a huge smile takes over my face when I realize he wasn't playing me. Being completely out of character for me I get all shy and bashful. I have no idea why this is my reaction to the news that J's here but my stomach was in such knots I thought I was going to be sick. Taking a few breaths to get myself together I said thanks to James for the info and carried on with my game.

Yes I could have went down to the cars and started looking for him but that would make me look stupid if he was just asking a question in passing conversation and not actively looking for me. Like I keep saying I don't know where his head is where he and I are concerned. I'll just have to wait it out and hope for things to go my way.

Alice nudged my shoulder to get my attention nodding in the direction of the ski balls. I turned to look and oh my hot damn yes. There was my perfection coming toward me wearing blue jeans, white and blue K-Swiss and a white polo shirt but all that's not to be out done by the flawless smile that greets me when our eyes finally meet.

Reaching me after what seems like hours when really it was a minute at most, he surprises me with a tight hug as a greeting. A girl could get use to this, well not any girl just me or I'm pulling some Tyson moves out the vault so fast you'd confuse me with another one of those Disney movies. "Hey I thought you weren't coming, I'm happy you're here." I whisper in his ear as we're still in hug mode.

Letting me go all too soon, he steps back a bit. "Yeah, I got out of baseball early, not sticking around for the mini celebratory party so that I could see you." He relied, swoon my hearts doing the pitter patter and here I thought he couldn't get any higher on my pedestal of greatness. "Oh" was the only thing to come out of my mouth. Yeah real eloquent there slick. Why did my brain pick this moment to act up?

Before I can get my brain to work properly J's friend Eric pops out of nowhere like some damn ninja assassin. Where the hell did he come from? There was no greeting toward me from his friend, just that head nod shit that guys give to each other as a substitute greeting. Still oblivious to the fact that I'm standing there he hit J's shoulder saying he wants to show him something. Well it was nice spending a few minutes with him. I don't even trip, I know how guys are with their video games and all.

As Jasper is walking away he grabs my hand saying nothing just pulling me along behind him. I guess this is my cue that he wants me to come along as well. I willingly follow him and his friend with my girls trailing behind to keep me company and as I called it earlier, our destination is some sort of fighting games across the room.

J and his friends are so in to the game I'd been surprised if he even knew I was there or not. A couple machines down from the one J's playing on I spot one of my friends Mike, he's an older guy a senior I think I don't really see too much of him. As I was being ignored now anyway I decide to walk over and say hi for a minute. When Mike catches on to my plan he steps forward meeting me halfway giving me a hug so big he lifts me up off the ground.

I laugh at him telling his crazy butt to put me down. As he's settling me back to the floor I get a glimpse of Jasper closely watching my exchange with Mike. His facial expression is natural and he's still playing the game so I stay have words with Mike for a little bit to catch up before walking back over to join Jasper again. When I take my place beside him his body language is off, different somehow. He seems upset like something's bugging him but says nothing.

Okay he was ignoring me before playing the game with his friends but every now and then he would still make eye contact with me and smile. I liked that he did that, it made me feel special. Now however it's Antarctica where I'm standing. I can literally feel the chill coming off him in waves, he's more than just a little upset about something. Having never seen this side of him I'm a little nervous about questioning him.

Now I'm pretty good at putting two and two together, plus reading between the lines. So I'm pretty positive the cold shoulder treatment that's being bestowed upon me has to do with the greeting Mike gave me. Great this is all I need a freaking jealous guy. I don't mean to sound insensitive but most of my friends are guys and I'm a naturally flirtatious person so I don't see how we could work. Especially if something as little as that is causing this reaction in him.

J didn't speak to me the rest of the night and I got sick of standing around receiving that type of treatment so I left. Jasper didn't call me over the weekend, not even once. I'll admit it did hurt like hell but at the same time I did nothing wrong and felt that we should have been able to discuss what was bothering him instead of letting it fester over the weekend. Awesome now I'm getting pissed because this whole ordeal is stupid. I have friends, he has friends, we can't change who we are just because we like each other. I don't know, maybe we don't fit after all.


End file.
